[ nisaka — by some kind of miracle — manages not to have a complete aneurysm when hitoshi leans in, invading what little space they'd had left between them in the first place. he sucks in a sharp breath through his nose, holding it as he does his best to act as calmly and normally as possible.
he puts in his default toppings — pepperoni and mushroom — and he's just about to hand it back to the other boy when it happens.
no, not the accidental reading of any old, incriminating text messages.
but rather the accidental reading of a present incriminating text message, thanks to the aforementioned kaminari, which reads:
WSIT SRSLT HES IN UR PLACE?? DUDE
nisaka freezes, staring at the notification taking up half the screen, forgetting how to breathe. there's more to the message that he can't read without clicking on it and god he's so tempted— ]
...For you.
[ his expression is blank as he finally hands the phone back to hitoshi, as if afraid to even be outwardly curious. ]
[ What little color there ever is in Hitoshi's face abruptly drains out of it. He takes his phone back a little more frantically than he meant to, as if that's going to in any way make it so that Kaminari didn't just text him at exactly the wrong time. God, he has such a talent for doing that.
So much for taking precautions against all outcomes. Shit. ]
Oh, uh...
[ He's careful, now, to keep the screen angled always toward himself. Almost pressed right into his chest, even. Just in case Kaminari decides to keep talking. Which by the extra couple of vibrations, he's apparently doing. ]
... Sorry.
[ He's even more red now than he was before, awkwardly looking away. There really is no way to explain that, is there... ]
[ nisaka really doesn't know how to respond to any of this. that text was definitely about him. it couldn't not be. but why would hitoshi be talking about him with someone else? why would that person have such a reaction like that?
and now, right now, why does hitoshi look like he's so ashamed?
nisaka feels a sting prickle behind his eyes and he curls his hands tight over his knees. he sits up a little straighter, but doesn't make a move to get up and leave just yet. he's too pathetically weak for that. ]
...If you're going to be talking about me behind my back, I'd rather you do it while I'm not around.
[ Hitoshi's heart wrenches. It's not the first time he's felt this sudden, ridiculous urge to put his arms around Nisaka, but it is definitely the strongest it's been. He doesn't, though, because that wouldn't be fair.
His phone vibrates again. Irritably, like it's the phone's fault (or even really Kaminari's fault) this is happening, he turns the damn thing off and drops it onto the couch cushion behind him. ]
I wasn't...
[ He cuts himself off, because obviously he was. There really isn't anyone else that could possibly have been about, and he's not going to tell such an obvious lie like he thinks Nisaka is stupid or something. But it's not... ]
[ were they laughing at him? nisaka's mind clouds over with the worst possible thoughts, unable to help himself. he doesn't typically care what others think of him, but if it's hitoshi...
now it's nisaka's heart that wrenches, and he flinches as if to curl in on himself and shield it. ]
You don't have to explain, [ he says, tone curt. ] I should go.
[ and still it takes him two whole seconds to rise up to his feet, turn towards the door. even now, while his heart is breaking, he's still too selfish to want the other boy's company. how stupid. ]
[ No, no no, god no he can't let things happen like this. Hitoshi is on his feet before he can even think about it, grabbing at Nisaka's elbow to keep him from just leaving like that. He has every right to, of course - he'll even let him, in a minute, just... ]
Yuusuke, please, I...
[ He falters again, still not actually sure how to get the words out. What kind of order this explanation should go in. Most of it doesn't even matter. ]
... He was just...
[ Even now, it's hard to say. He's never confessed to anyone before, never liked anyone enough to make that kind of effort. It doesn't even really feel like a confession now. ]
[ that name. it shouldn't be fair to have to hear his own goddamn name coming from his crush's mouth, because even just the hint of it has him rooted to his spot, skin prickling for just the chance to hear even more.
his skin burns where hitoshi holds him, despite the fabric of his sleeve in between them. he still doesn't meet the other boy's eyes as he fumbles through his excuse, but rest assured that last bit definitely has him glancing up in clear, honest surprise.
for a long time, he doesn't say anything. his mind gets so cluttered up on that last bit, the rest of him is struggling to catch up to speed. foolishly, he feels a sliver of hope begin to bubble in his gut...
but then he finally processes all that hitoshi's saying and. oh. oh. ]
The words don't make sense at all for a moment - Kaminari wouldn't know cruel if it aimed an explosion at his face. But then they do, and... god, really?! ]
No, I...
[ He makes that same motion again as earlier, running his free hand agitatedly through his hair and letting it land at the back of his neck. His eyes are... anywhere but Nisaka, right now. In fact, it feels like kind of a lot to hold on to him for this, so he lets his other hand fall back to his side. ]
He's... one of those people who just knows stuff like that. He knew I liked you before I did.
[ God. Now he's actually said it. Now those words are out into the universe and there's no taking them back. ]
[ it’s pure stupidity and desperation that keeps nisaka there when he’s released, because even now he’s hoping against hope that he’s wrong, that hitoshi and kaminari hadn’t actually been talking about him at all, that this is all just one giant misunderstanding.
but what he gets instead is beyond even what his wildest imagination could think up.
seconds spill into minutes, and nisaka barely moves. does little else but stare, speechless, at hitoshi’s profile. he wants so much to reach out, coax hitoshi to look at him, as if meeting eyes might somehow grant him some kind of insight into all this.
he… had to have heard wrong. he definitely heard wrong.
[ Wow, it would be really useful right now to have a quirk that just... caused the earth to open up and swallow him. Hitoshi can feel Nisaka staring at him, and it just makes him more determined not to meet his eye. He hadn't been planning on saying it like this, or... maybe at all. ]
I... sorry.
[ He picks agitatedly at a loose thread in the hem of his still-backwards t-shirt. His brows knit, his shoulders raise a little, and if he looks like he's preparing himself for this to go extremely badly then that's because he is. He's been telling himself for ages that this will pass eventually. That all it'll do is make things awkward between them. Hitoshi treasures his friends more than he'll say - he went long enough without any - and now... ]
[ nisaka takes a moment to card through all of his wildest fantasies. it sort of amazes him he's never once dreamed up this moment, an actual confession. perhaps even his brain was too cautious, too guarded to be that hopeful. now that it's actually happening, he really doesn't know how to respond.
honestly? a part of him wants to laugh. not at hitoshi, of course. but just at the absurdity of this all... he doesn't, of course, because he has enough forethought to realize that wouldn't go over so well.
so instead he just dips his face back into his hands, rubs at his eyes, his reddening cheeks. this is so stupid. this is so stupid. ]
Kaminari isn't as good at reading people as you think he is...
[ deep breath, take the plunge. why the hell not? ]
[ That finally draws Hitoshi's eyes, wide and startled as they are.
The fact is that actually, Kaminari is better at reading people than Hitoshi thought he was - because he's been trying to say this for ages. Occasionally even recruiting Sero in an effort to convince him. And with all of that, Hitoshi probably should have at least one or twice entertained the possibility that things would go like this. That he'd end up staring stupidly at the object of genuinely the most persistent crush of his life, trying to make his brain work again long enough that it'll tell him what he's supposed to say.
Suddenly he's right back in that moment of being told in front of the entire first year Heroics class that he'd be joining them come second year. His heart is in his throat, fighting his immediate instinct to disbelieve that anything good could actually happen to him.
[ it's a bit strange, to be on this end. nisaka never once imagined he'd have to be reassuring anybody, let alone hitoshi, of his feelings. in all his realistic scenarios, it had been a desperate attempt to backtrack and reassure the other party that it changed nothing.
he's not sure how or why, but somehow hitoshi's blatant disbelief emboldens him. as if he could just say all he could ever want to say, and not have to harbor that fear of repercussion anymore.
so he does. ]
Last night, when you were passed out... I helped you off the stairs and back into your room. You knocked me over into the bed, and I got stuck until you rolled over in your sleep.
[ his cheeks warm just thinking about it, but there's really no going back now. ]
The reason I didn't tell you about it was because I'd liked it too much...
Hitoshi's fingers only make it halfway through his hair this time, as he does his level best to remember any of this. There are... flashes. He remembers someone there, he remembers not wanting to move. But nothing about anyone being in his bed. It makes sense, if he was really passed out at that point, but it's still frustrating.
Not for the first time, and probably not for the last either, he tells himself he's not drinking with the Bakusquad again. ]
... That... really isn't how I wanted that to go...
[ miraculously, the courage nisaka had found himself with as a result of that immense relief hasn't yet left him. he's still there, for one thing, and he hasn't yet shriveled up in embarrassment over being quite so bold.
in fact...
well. he thinks he has just a little bit left in him to ask: ]
[ He hasn't really given himself a chance to think about things like that, because until this moment it had been such an impossibility. But at the very least... ]
Would've been nice to remember it at least...
[ A breath of humorless laughter - god, he's so annoyed with himself. When he looks up at Nisaka again, he tries to make himself not try to imagine what it must have been like. To touch him so easily like that, not in any kind of suggestive way but just the simple act of sleeping with the smaller boy in his arms. It's... not easy. ]
... Honestly, I probably wasn't going to tell you at all.
[ it's so easy to admit to it all now. what's done is done, and they can only move forward from here. if hitoshi hasn't turned away from him yet then... well. maybe there's some hope to this all after all.
at the very least, it doesn't seem like he'll be losing a friend. but that's what's most important here, anyway. all the hiding, all the resisting. it was all to preserve what they had.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
he puts in his default toppings — pepperoni and mushroom — and he's just about to hand it back to the other boy when it happens.
no, not the accidental reading of any old, incriminating text messages.
but rather the accidental reading of a present incriminating text message, thanks to the aforementioned kaminari, which reads:
WSIT SRSLT HES IN UR PLACE?? DUDE
nisaka freezes, staring at the notification taking up half the screen, forgetting how to breathe. there's more to the message that he can't read without clicking on it and god he's so tempted— ]
...For you.
[ his expression is blank as he finally hands the phone back to hitoshi, as if afraid to even be outwardly curious. ]
no subject
So much for taking precautions against all outcomes. Shit. ]
Oh, uh...
[ He's careful, now, to keep the screen angled always toward himself. Almost pressed right into his chest, even. Just in case Kaminari decides to keep talking. Which by the extra couple of vibrations, he's apparently doing. ]
... Sorry.
[ He's even more red now than he was before, awkwardly looking away. There really is no way to explain that, is there... ]
no subject
and now, right now, why does hitoshi look like he's so ashamed?
nisaka feels a sting prickle behind his eyes and he curls his hands tight over his knees. he sits up a little straighter, but doesn't make a move to get up and leave just yet. he's too pathetically weak for that. ]
...If you're going to be talking about me behind my back, I'd rather you do it while I'm not around.
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His phone vibrates again. Irritably, like it's the phone's fault (or even really Kaminari's fault) this is happening, he turns the damn thing off and drops it onto the couch cushion behind him. ]
I wasn't...
[ He cuts himself off, because obviously he was. There really isn't anyone else that could possibly have been about, and he's not going to tell such an obvious lie like he thinks Nisaka is stupid or something. But it's not... ]
... it's not like that.
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now it's nisaka's heart that wrenches, and he flinches as if to curl in on himself and shield it. ]
You don't have to explain, [ he says, tone curt. ] I should go.
[ and still it takes him two whole seconds to rise up to his feet, turn towards the door. even now, while his heart is breaking, he's still too selfish to want the other boy's company. how stupid. ]
no subject
Yuusuke, please, I...
[ He falters again, still not actually sure how to get the words out. What kind of order this explanation should go in. Most of it doesn't even matter. ]
... He was just...
[ Even now, it's hard to say. He's never confessed to anyone before, never liked anyone enough to make that kind of effort. It doesn't even really feel like a confession now. ]
... he's been trying to get me to ask you out.
1/2 i'm sorry he's so dumb
his skin burns where hitoshi holds him, despite the fabric of his sleeve in between them. he still doesn't meet the other boy's eyes as he fumbles through his excuse, but rest assured that last bit definitely has him glancing up in clear, honest surprise.
for a long time, he doesn't say anything. his mind gets so cluttered up on that last bit, the rest of him is struggling to catch up to speed. foolishly, he feels a sliver of hope begin to bubble in his gut...
but then he finally processes all that hitoshi's saying and. oh. oh. ]
2/2
[ he gets it now, he thinks. poor hitoshi, having to suffer through kaminari's teasing. getting bullied to so something he doesn't want to do.
poor, poor hitoshi. ]
I'm sorry he's been so cruel to you.
GOD
The words don't make sense at all for a moment - Kaminari wouldn't know cruel if it aimed an explosion at his face. But then they do, and... god, really?! ]
No, I...
[ He makes that same motion again as earlier, running his free hand agitatedly through his hair and letting it land at the back of his neck. His eyes are... anywhere but Nisaka, right now. In fact, it feels like kind of a lot to hold on to him for this, so he lets his other hand fall back to his side. ]
He's... one of those people who just knows stuff like that. He knew I liked you before I did.
[ God. Now he's actually said it. Now those words are out into the universe and there's no taking them back. ]
He was just trying to help.
LOL I'M SORRY
but what he gets instead is beyond even what his wildest imagination could think up.
seconds spill into minutes, and nisaka barely moves. does little else but stare, speechless, at hitoshi’s profile. he wants so much to reach out, coax hitoshi to look at him, as if meeting eyes might somehow grant him some kind of insight into all this.
he… had to have heard wrong. he definitely heard wrong.
right? ]
You... like me?
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[ Wow, it would be really useful right now to have a quirk that just... caused the earth to open up and swallow him. Hitoshi can feel Nisaka staring at him, and it just makes him more determined not to meet his eye. He hadn't been planning on saying it like this, or... maybe at all. ]
I... sorry.
[ He picks agitatedly at a loose thread in the hem of his still-backwards t-shirt. His brows knit, his shoulders raise a little, and if he looks like he's preparing himself for this to go extremely badly then that's because he is. He's been telling himself for ages that this will pass eventually. That all it'll do is make things awkward between them. Hitoshi treasures his friends more than he'll say - he went long enough without any - and now... ]
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honestly? a part of him wants to laugh. not at hitoshi, of course. but just at the absurdity of this all... he doesn't, of course, because he has enough forethought to realize that wouldn't go over so well.
so instead he just dips his face back into his hands, rubs at his eyes, his reddening cheeks. this is so stupid. this is so stupid. ]
Kaminari isn't as good at reading people as you think he is...
[ deep breath, take the plunge. why the hell not? ]
Because I like you too.
no subject
The fact is that actually, Kaminari is better at reading people than Hitoshi thought he was - because he's been trying to say this for ages. Occasionally even recruiting Sero in an effort to convince him. And with all of that, Hitoshi probably should have at least one or twice entertained the possibility that things would go like this. That he'd end up staring stupidly at the object of genuinely the most persistent crush of his life, trying to make his brain work again long enough that it'll tell him what he's supposed to say.
Suddenly he's right back in that moment of being told in front of the entire first year Heroics class that he'd be joining them come second year. His heart is in his throat, fighting his immediate instinct to disbelieve that anything good could actually happen to him.
Can he possibly deserve it a second time? ]
Wh- ... But you... I thought...
[ ShinsouHitoshi.exe has stopped working. ]
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he's not sure how or why, but somehow hitoshi's blatant disbelief emboldens him. as if he could just say all he could ever want to say, and not have to harbor that fear of repercussion anymore.
so he does. ]
Last night, when you were passed out... I helped you off the stairs and back into your room. You knocked me over into the bed, and I got stuck until you rolled over in your sleep.
[ his cheeks warm just thinking about it, but there's really no going back now. ]
The reason I didn't tell you about it was because I'd liked it too much...
no subject
[ This... this is a lot.
Hitoshi's fingers only make it halfway through his hair this time, as he does his level best to remember any of this. There are... flashes. He remembers someone there, he remembers not wanting to move. But nothing about anyone being in his bed. It makes sense, if he was really passed out at that point, but it's still frustrating.
Not for the first time, and probably not for the last either, he tells himself he's not drinking with the Bakusquad again. ]
... That... really isn't how I wanted that to go...
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in fact...
well. he thinks he has just a little bit left in him to ask: ]
...How did you want it to go?
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[ He hasn't really given himself a chance to think about things like that, because until this moment it had been such an impossibility. But at the very least... ]
Would've been nice to remember it at least...
[ A breath of humorless laughter - god, he's so annoyed with himself. When he looks up at Nisaka again, he tries to make himself not try to imagine what it must have been like. To touch him so easily like that, not in any kind of suggestive way but just the simple act of sleeping with the smaller boy in his arms. It's... not easy. ]
... Honestly, I probably wasn't going to tell you at all.
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[ it's so easy to admit to it all now. what's done is done, and they can only move forward from here. if hitoshi hasn't turned away from him yet then... well. maybe there's some hope to this all after all.
at the very least, it doesn't seem like he'll be losing a friend. but that's what's most important here, anyway. all the hiding, all the resisting. it was all to preserve what they had.
he shrugs. ]
Now what?
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He's never gotten this far in thinking about it. He's done his level best not to think about it at all, if he can help it. ]
I... I don't know.
[ It sounds so ridiculous, but he doesn't know what else to say. ]
... Will you come sit down, at least?